Saying Goodbye to Lola

Death -- it's part of life.

For my 22-month-old, it's already something very final and memorable.

Just yesterday, as she was playing with some toys outside, an oversized-ant crawled up on the toy in her hand.

"Bug!!" she exclaimed, pointing at it while looking at me, waiting for me to do something about it.

Without thinking, i grabbed my shoe, killed it and said, "ok -- it's dead. All done." 

Alex looked at it .. then a little closer ... said the word 'dead' ... and went on about her playing.

I say the concept is memorable, because it's been how long since she saw that dead frog in our driveway....?  Feels like forever ago.

A very VERY faint mark is still there -- thanks to the vehicle tire that smushed the frog -- and when Alex sees the mark, she says "Dead, fog."

So here's my dilemma.

Our wonderful, loyal, loving dog Lola ... will likely have to be put down.

She has hip dysplasia in both hips, and because of that -- other problems are arising, like tiny ligiment tears.

Lola's on so many pain medications, and in the past week has occasionally stopped using one of her hind legs.

We're going through the motions -- xrays, tests, meds .....

There are surgerieSSSS availible ... which are very expensive, and there's no guarantee they'll even help.

So yes, the closed-door discussions have begun about possibly ending Lola's obvious pain all together.

Even Lola has become much more clingy and needy -- just wanting to be in someone's body space.

It's so heartbreaking.

All the adults in the family understand what's happening .... but how do you explain to a not-even-2-year-old ... that the one "person" who never gets mad when Alex tries to run her over with a highchair -- might suddenly disappear?

Right now, Alex knows Lola's "leg hurts" and has a "boo-boo," and that's why we say "poor Lola," but that's about it.

I don't want to tell Alex that Lola's gone because of her boo-boo.   Don't want Alex to freak out the next time a scratch (boo-boo) appears on her own finger.....

Do i want to say the word 'dead'?  Or would that conjure up images for Alex of something violent happening to Lola (like the ant i killed with my shoe)?

I would like to incorporate God and Heaven into the equasion, but Alex's Bible stories are just that -- stories....

We could pray for Lola -- Alex knows how to say her prayers...

Then again -- maybe i'm over-thinking the entire thing.

Just really trying to think of what to tell Alex when she screams for LOOOOOLAAAAA!  -- and Lola's not there.